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So. . . Lots of things have happened and not happened.

Right now I have a job. Sort of. It's for this place where I call people and go give demonstrations. It's nice, except for the calling part. I hate it. I can't do it. It's awful. I haven't even really made any money. June was crazy and I was all over the place. I felt like I was never really home, so that didn't help. Ugh. I feel somewhat like a failure because of it. I feel like I didn't try hard enough. But then again, I don't think it's the kind of job I want right now. I am a self-motivated person, but. . . Not for this. Does this make me a failure? I feel like it does sort of, but maybe that's just because I hate disappointing people who seem to have faith in me. Which is what makes this frustrating.

I wish getting a job wasn't so hard either. I turned in tons of applications a month ago. No calls. I know I should call them, but I hate that they don't take the time to just call and tell you 'no'. So tomorrow I think I'm going to go to the DQ and grab an application. It's the last kind of job I want but. . . I can't be picky anymore it seems.

Also my car is on the fritz. Worst time ever. Aaaand they've had it for over a week and they don't know what's wrong with it. *bashes head against wall* So yeah. . . It's great. I really hope it can be fixed. =[ I don't know if I can get a job on campus. I mean, I'll try. And I really need the money anyway. I feel terrible for living out of my mother's pocket and not paying for anything on my own. I feel so guilty. And I want to feel like a proper adult or something. I dunno.

I also feel like sometimes I don't have motivation, or only half-ass things even though I know I have the ut-most potential to do my very best I just. . . Don't. Like in school, I know I can do better. And I'm going to try and push myself this upcoming semester, I just need to break bad habits. I know what I need to do, it's the doing that's getting to me. I feel like a lazy slob who is terrible at life some times.

Bleh. I hate this cycle. Because then I'll actually do things and feel less bad. But. . .Until I have a job making a steady sort of income I'll still feel like a bum.

Anyway, that's mostly it. Oh, but at least I have Zach. Even though at times he acts like a girl and we have misunderstandings we always manage to work it out. And grow stronger I believe. I have this feeling about him that I just can't shake. That we'll have kids and grow old together. You know, sappy stuff. =p And I never get bored with him. I always always like being in his presence. It's amazing. <3

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Things I Write About

Ve~

It's hard to stay up/
It's been a long, Long Day/
And you got the sandman at the door/
But hang on, leave the TV on/
And let's do it anyway/
It's ok/
You can always sleep through work/ tomorrow, OK?/
Hey hey/
Tomorrow's just your future yesterday~
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